When I Was ...

This post was inspired by the MTV show "When I was 17".

I asked some of my Facebook friends to give me numbers, which would represent years, for a birthday blog post.

Every birthday I'm in state of self-reflection ... and though some don't like to look back, I thought this would be a great exercise to remember the good (and bad) times, and see just how far I've come.

Thanks to all who contributed their numbers ... #Salute

WHEN I WAS ….

When I was born … My birth mother decided to give me a better life, and amazing parents. I’m thankful for her decision every day.

When I was 7 … I was in 2^nd grade, at New Life Montessori, learning how  to say “ask” instead of “axe”. I was one of few Blacks in my class but I never felt “different”.  Thanks to one of my classmates, I became an Elvis fan, and I believe this is where my love of musicals began. I loved that school.  

When I was 10 … I was in the 5^th grade and had to leave Montessori (school budget cuts) and transfer to South Highlands (an arts magnet school).  It was a total culture shock from what I was used to … and one of the worst years of my life … I was bullied for most of the year – at school, on the bus and at church.  I don’t even know how I got through it.  

When I was 12 … I was a 7^th grader at CMM.  I loved writing, reading, gymnastics, music – and boys. I hated middle school, but cool friends, nice teachers and school dances made it easier to tolerate.  I had a hard time because I wasn’t cliquish, and desired to be friends with all types of people.  I believe 7^th grade was the first time I got my heart broken by a boy, when he chose my friend over me … (First time, but not the last lol).  

When I was 16 … I was heartbroken over my high school sweetheart, but had no shortage in guys wanting to help me rebound.  I was extra smitten with one who went to my school, that most still don’t know I was serious about.   I was an honor roll student, producer for my high school TV station and a die-hard Bulls fan (s/o to BJ Armstrong). This was also the year I got my first job and got to drive myself to school.   I had an awesome Sweet 16 party and I went to the prom with a homeboy of mine from my neighborhood, but we came home early because I had to take the ACT the morning after J

When I was 17 … I was a senior and back on the flagline after a year off.  My favorite teacher was Mr. E, the band director and this was the best year EVER, filled with highs, lows, drama, guys, friends, football games, parties – the works.  I was still working, still driving to school, and preparing to go to college.  I was also an SGRho deb (elected President of my group).  I went to prom with a guy I was on-and-off with, because the guy I wanted to go with declined.  I designed my dress and had it made. We arrived in a white Mustang convertible that my dad rented for me.  Though I had full scholarships from 3 top journalism schools in the North, I elected to attend Xavier University in New Orleans (the other 2 in my top 3 were LSU and TCU).

When I was 19 … I was a sophomore in college, recently transferred from XU to LSU-BR.  I had just met the only guy I was ever engaged to. He was supposed to be a summer fling but we fell in love, and we were trying to see if the distance would be too much for us.  I remember that year being a constant transition for me, but I loved LSU. I really, really did.  Though I did party like most college students, the campus and people inspired me to achieve and one of the semesters I got all A’s and 1 B! But I remember calling my mom to tell her and being asked why it wasn’t all A’s (smh lol).  This was the year I published my urban newsletter and ended up co-hosting a radio show on KLSU.  Though the transitions were many and tough, I think I grew up a lot that year.

When I was 21 … I spent my birthday in New Orleans with my college sweetheart (a guy I dated after the ex-fiance).  Earlier that year, I’d pledged Zeta Phi Beta and somehow ended up with a new boyfriend.  It was amazing at first, but pressures from our fam (Blue & White) got to us both I think … By the new year, we were taking a break after I saw a side of him I detested.  The rest of age 21 was spent in turmoil with a past love resurfacing, and drama from every imaginable angle. What should’ve been a milestone year for me is remembered as the year I lost myself in love – and not in a good way.  I often wish I could do that whole year over.

When I was 24 … It was 2002(-2003). I was back at home and it had been a year since I graduated from collage – and lost my brother Anthony.  My college sweetheart and I were still together … and I was still lost.  Deeply depressed, but making moves toward change. I was in school and working at my first TV station as a P.A.  I’d also finally gotten the courage to seek counseling earlier that year and it was about to pay off.  When the boyfriend relocated to my city … trying to control my life again … and proposed, I finally had the courage to say No.  Months later, it was over and I was free. I’ll remember that as the year I finally realized my worth and got my life back on track.

When I was 28 … I was a producer at the local CBS affiliate.  Single (but not for long) and managing my newly diagnosed Anxiety Disorder (after the loss of my 2^nd brother the previous year).  Work was stressful but my co-producer made it tolerable – until they decided to get rid of him.  The added duties stressed me out even more and left me looking for an escape …which I found in a new relationship.  I was distracted though … and fooled by his warmth and caring nature.  By the time I realized who and what he was, it was too late.  I was back in another abusive relationship.  But this time I didn’t take it … and by the time I turned 29, he was gone.  28 was a rough year, but I learned a lot … I learned that no matter how good you are to someone, you can't change them. I also learned what I will and won’t put up with just to say I have a man – or a job.  

When I was 31 … I was celebrating my first year as a freelance photographer.  After being in a retail studio for the past two years, it was great to get outside and create images I wanted to show off, instead of the humdrum stuff I did at my job.  This was an stellar year for me creatively and professionally because it was the age/year in which I began to build my brand, Mahogani Media.  It was the beginning of an amazingly rewarding journey as a creative entrepreneur.  I’ll never forgot those who were with me during that year – ever.

Now that I’m 35 … Though some never like to look back at their past, I always take a minute to reflect on what I’ve gone through (and survived) and how much I’ve learned and grown, both personally and professionally.  I don’t have a lot of friends or a steady beau, but the people in my life are so supportive and loving that it makes the sporadic moments of loneliness go away as quickly as they came.  I am in a good place. I know my worth in every aspect of my life – and I command just that.  Because of all that I have gone through, I choose not to settle for less ever again.  I never want to look back at another year past 30 and regret anything.  I made that promise to myself on my 30^th birthday and so far I’ve kept it.  Of course, I’ve had setbacks and disappointments, but I have lived life faithful and honest -- staying true to myself and my purpose.  Today I am a spiritual, strong, hopeful, resilient, driven woman who is ready for many more years of progress and prosperity … and continued blessings -- even in the smallest form. 

Here’s to year 35 … and all that it has in store. 

#Cheers